Apologies for the lack of entries of late but I have been on holiday - a week in less than sunny North Wales. I doubted that you would want to read about my exciting trips to garden centres or the day I bought some new trousers in Bangor.
A few people have mentioned that they enjoyed my entry of August 15 about nonsense English only journalists use. Here are a few more favourites - with the emphasis on words that serve no useful purpose.
I heard one of the classics on the BBC the other day - "Two paintings have been stolen by thieves". Who'd have thought it - thieves stealing something?
Let's step the crimes up a a few notches - here you will find the "brutal rapist" (as opposed to the kind-hearted softie rapist) and the victim of a "savage knife attack". You may find that "police are hunting" the knifeman - you don't say.
I remember a newsdesk colleague on the Bristol Evening Post tell me a reporter had just sent him a news in brief item which reported that wheels had been stolen from a parked car. "I'd like to see them take the wheels off a moving car" he added.
Also from Bristol - a classic example of the journalist's fear of using the same word twice. We had a cracking tale about a man who held up a bank with a banana. By the second paragraph the reporter revealed that the robber had hidden the "popular yellow fruit" under his jacket, pretending it was a gun.
Just a few more daft newspaper phrases to leave you with - and, I know, you've probably seen some of these sneak their way into the Daily Post, for which I can only apologise...
"budding thespians" - some kids in a school play
"loveable pooch" - a cute dog
"blaze" a fire
"the ambulance rushed the victim to hospital" - rather than dawdling to the chemist's
"store wars" - a crap, out of date pun for when Asda chop tuppence off a litre of unleaded
"town hall chiefs" - not important native Americans in local government but senior paid council officials
"kicking up a stink" - used in any incidents involving complaints about sewerage treatment plants, rubbish tips or dustbins
"up in arms" - mildly upset... or an uprising involving guns or knives.
If you have any of your own favourites let me know.
